What is Resilience?
Resilience is the process of adapting well in, and through, a period of adversity; so that might be trauma, significant loss, a life tragedy, or significant amounts of stress – this might be family problems or relationship problems, serious illness or long-term health problems, basically anything that pushes us out of our comfort zone. Resilience isn’t about not experiencing these things, but about "bouncing back" from the difficult experience.
Research show us again and again that developing resilience is a normal part of our lived experience, developing resilience is an ordinary part of life. People from all over the world, in every country, culture and from every walk of life demonstrate resilience. Ups and downs are a normal part of life, emotional pain and feelings of sadness are common to all people in the world, especially those who have suffered adversity during their lives.
The truth about developing resilience is that the path always involves some form of physical or emotional distress.
Resilience is not a characteristic that only some people have access to but is more of an attitude that anyone can develop. It is an attitude that involves our behaviours, our thoughts and our actions, and anyone can learn how to develop in these areas.
There are some external factors that really help us to develop our resilience, these are based around us in our significant relationships; these are the relationships that are caring and supportive. We usually think of these as being family and close friends, but these can also come from other sources such as school, clubs, groups or communities. Generally, these supporting relationships are relationships that create trust with people who we see as positive role models, and who encourage and reassure us. These relationships provide a framework that helps to support us as we develop resilience.
Here are some important things to remind ourselves of as we think about developing our own resilience.
- Now and then everyone can have a difficult or unhappy time. Ups and downs are a normal part of life.
- Staying hopeful can often help us to work through a problem. Most things will get better over time but sometimes it may take longer to improve than we’d like.
- Talking to someone we trust about what’s worrying or upsetting us can often be helpful in trying to work out what is the best thing to do.
- There is no such thing as ‘perfect’, making mistakes is quite normal and helps us to find out that there are things we can do well and things we do not do so well.
- Try to look for the positive in all situations. There will always be one, it may be small, and sometimes we have to look quite hard to find it, but it will be there. This attitude can help us to cope in difficult times.
- It is really important to try not to blame ourselves or others when things don’t go the way we planned them to. It is better to look at taking responsibility or taking ownership of our part in the situation, and to look at a situation as a potential learning opportunity as opposed to a setback.
- We all face things in our lives that are unpleasant or feel scary, we all get the feeling of fear at some time, although what triggers fear is usually different for each of us. Facing our fears can help us grow stronger.
- Finding techniques that are effective in helping to reduce or dissipate strong emotions is important – maybe going for a long walk, having a bath, listening to relaxing music etc.
At times we can all experience very strong emotions, the key is not to allow them to ‘overwhelm’ us. There are many ways to calm ourselves down in challenging situations. Sometimes it can be useful to find ways to cope with smaller, less challenging situations – it’s a bit like practising. There are many ways to relax or wind down and we will each do this differently; the key is finding what works for you.
