The first time that something made me laugh after the death of my father, I felt overwhelming guilt. I worried that people looking at me might think I did not care enough, and that I should remain sombre and serious at all times. I was so wrong. There are no fixed shoulds when it comes to responding to grief.
Grief is a freight train of human emotion that can charge into us. Aboard the train is anger, sadness, fear, numbness, relief, pain, shame… they are all packed in and often taking up too much room.
There may be common patterns of feelings within the grieving process, but there is no playbook for experiencing and managing grief. The platitudes feel inadequate, and the clichés tend not to soothe as they are intended to.
Grief is unpredictable. Grief is inevitable. Grief is a gargantuan thing that often refuses to be managed, controlled or scheduled for our convenience. Grief is a human response and in that, personal to you and your thoughts and feelings.
When the very worst has already happened, we can and should turn to and lean on each other for support. A community reaches out to wrap around in the best of times and in the worst. Permit yourself to feel what you are feeling without guilt or shame. You are human – a thinking, feeling, responsive being that needs to feel whatever you feel with permission to do so. There is no ‘right’ response to grief; there is only a human one.
