Did you know that we speak more words to ourselves than to any other person in our lives?
The world of modern psychology widely recognises this ‘inner voice’ and refers to the continual self-chatter as our ‘Internal dialogue’. It is reported that we communicate to ourselves through this internal dialogue around 1,300 words, thoughts and images per minute. That’s a busy mind!
So already today your inner voice has probably given you several ear bashings, it can be a bit like having your own personal commentator on board, always chattering away.
So this ‘inner voice’ or ‘self-talk’, does it affect us?
The answer is absolutely YES! It has a huge impact on you and how you go about your day.
There are many studies into the effects of self-talk and how what we say to ourselves influences our behaviours, both positively and negatively.
Dr Ethan Kross, PhD, the laboratory director of the Emotion & Self-Control Lab at the University of Michigan says that, in high-pressure situations, self-talk is often relentless and critical. I’m sure we are all familiar with that. You’ve only got to rewind a couple of months back to exam time, remember what sort of things you were saying to yourself?
“I’m not good enough”, “I’m not clever enough”, “I can do this”, “Other people are better than me”…familiar?
The behaviours that come about as a result of this type of self-talk are often related to stress, anxiety, and fear.
The difficulty is that instead of thinking logically, our inner voices are often fuelled by our emotions, which in turn influences everything else; our behaviours, attitudes and habits.
Awareness of what you are saying can help you to become your own source of calmness and encouragement and can help change a negative to a positive.
Here are a few ways to change your self-talk script and to use your self-talk to help you make good choices, gain confidence, and perform better.
· Listen critically to what you are saying to yourself and how you are saying it – When self-talk is full of critical and discouraging words, press the STOP button and try to think about how you can change it.
· Distance yourself from – me, myself, and I – Using phrases like “Why am I so stressed?” or “How can I do better?” may increase feelings of shame or anxiety. Using your own name or a second or third-person pronoun when referring to your situation. Asking yourself, “Why are you feeling so stressed?” is one way to create the psychological distance you need to bring your emotions down and help you to regulate them.
· Tailor your self-talk to your goals –
Some research indicates that different types of self-talk work best for specific goals. Instructional self-talk like “shoulders back” or “keep your head up” helps you to improve your technique. Whilst motivational self-talk such as “you can do this,” or “keep going,” can help build confidence, strength, or endurance.
· Be kind to yourself – Negative discouraging self-talk is only going to increase your stress and hold you back. So instead try to find some tenderness and speak compassionately to yourself, the same way you might speak to a friend. Changing a negative messages to a positive. “I’m no good at this” can become “You are prepared to give this a try.”
· Replace “I Can’t” with “I Don’t” – Vanessa Patrick a Professor of marketing at the University of Houston, found that people using the phrase “I don’t” to resist temptation were more effective, for longer than those who said “I can’t.” Saying “I can’t” communicates limitation. Saying “I don’t” demonstrates that you are in charge of your thoughts and behaviours.
Try it for yourself and feel the difference.
“I can’t miss my __________” versus “I don’t miss my ___________.”
Encouraging self-talk will help you to be better able to cope with adversity, to meet challenges and do things that will contribute to greater success.
