This week, to engage with Time to Talk Day, we have reflected on the importance and value of talking rather that staying silent if you want to open up about your feelings. Talking can be a source of fun and friendship, but also a powerful tool which enables us to feel connected to and supported by those around us if we are in struggle.
Time to Talk Day primarily promotes the importance of talking about mental health to destigmatise it. It also helps to guide us on how we can support others who may be struggling. We all need to talk to someone at times, and it is of huge value to feel listened to.
Here are some ideas for how we can support one another by using talk as a source of support:
1. Protect your own boundaries and mental health. If you do not have the capacity or headspace to listen to someone else at this time, it is important to say so. Check-in at the start of the conversation to ask; “do you have the capacity to listen while I talk about this?” If someone can’t be a listener at this point, that doesn’t mean they don’t care. There will be someone else who wants to and is able to listen to you.
2. Ask questions and listen. Asking open questions to help someone to articulate their thoughts and feelings can be helpful. You might try: “how does that feel?” or “how can you challenge that negative thought?”
3. Use positive body language and/or get moving. Not everyone likes to sit opposite someone as they are talking as it can feel quite pressurised and intense, like an interview. Walking side by side, doing an activity like LEGO, origami or drawing as you talk can be helpful ways to get someone to open up in more relaxed way so make that suggestion if you feel it will be helpful.
4. Don’t try and solve the problem. Consider asking: “Do you want advice or do you want to talk it out?”. Mental health problems are complex, and someone talking to you about how they are feeling does not mean they expect you to fix it or have a solution. Being someone who can listen with care and compassion is a powerful thing. You can validate another’s feelings with “I am pleased you felt you can share this with me” without having to fix the problem with “what you need to do is…” Just listen.
5. Avoid cliches and platitudes.
Being told “you will feel better tomorrow” or to “look on the bright side” might feel invalidating or like someone needs to hide their struggles to meet that expectation.
6. Be patient. Sometimes telling someone you are there to listen when they are ready is all that is in your power to do. And that’s ok. People will talk to you when they are ready to do so and being patient is also a superpower.
